I’ve always considered myself an outgoing person, but it wasn’t until recently that I am coming to terms that maybe I’m more reclusive than I previously thought. I love meeting people and making friends; it’s always come pretty easily to me. However, as I grow up, I realize that people grow apart and that’s okay.
Thinking back on all my relationships with people, they all follow similar patters. I can’t help but feel as if I were meant to just be a phase in people’s lives. No matter how long or how close we’ve become, the phase will end. I’m trying to process my feelings about this without making myself the center of these feelings. I know that I am biased, and my memory isn’t as reliable as it was during the time.
But I know that these phases are always the same. We meet, we spend time together, and I try so hard to give as much as I can. To love as much as I can. At some point, I think we grow apart, and they grow to dislike me. Since it’s happened so often, it’s obviously a problem with me; perhaps it’s in the way I treat or talk to people or just the image that I impart. I often hear talks of how people think I’m looking down upon them even as I try my best to talk them up.
Maybe it’s because I have never felt actually close to anyone.
I have a few best friends that live far, far away from me, and I love them very much; however, I think part of this love they may have for me could be due to the fact that they don’t ever have to see me. It’s funny how easy it is to be close to those so physically distant.